MEET JUDY.
Judy Hughes begins each morning by propping open her door with a carpeted cat tower. Her four-legged companion Charlie will then meander to the top level, his black fur glistening under the fluorescent lights of Friendship Manor’s B-Wing as he watches the residents wake for the day.
Charlie is certified as Hughes’ Emotional Support Animal (ESA). Pets aren’t
usually allowed in Friendship Manor, but care physicians can grant
ESA Certificates to allow special accommodations.
“He’s the hall monitor," Judy tells me.
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As a newcomer to Friendship Manor, and California for that matter, Judy still
has a lot of Midwestern ways about her. She’s been on the west coast just
short of five years, and moved into the Manor in August 2021.
“Do you drink pop, cola, or soda? We drink pop,” she said.
Judy spent most of her life in Indiana and Illinois, where she worked as
a caregiver for the developmentally disabled in a variety of positions for
over 40 years. After her divorce, she quit her job and brought her mother
out to California to be closer to the rest of her siblings.
She started finding jobs and rooms to stay in before officially moving into Friendship Manor in August 2021. “It’s not even a year here, but I’ve made friends with everybody and anybody,” she said.
According to Judy, some residents think she’s a little too friendly.
“A lot of the guys were suspicious of me, because I guess a lot of people come here hoping to find another ‘somebody’ in their lives. I’m just making friends, and I’d rather be everybody’s little girlfriend than any one person’s,” she said.
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"Do you drink pop, soda, or cola?
Judy adores her neighbors, who she says didn’t seem to interact with one another before she moved in. She tries her best to build community through activities like card games, rock painting, and happy hours, where residents can bring their own cups and get to know each other.
Prior to moving into Friendship Manor, Judy was working at Friendship Center Adult Day Services in Goleta, a facility for seniors with dementia. Friendship Center closed on March 20, 2020 due to the pandemic, to the point where only three or four staff were in the building.
“We were making phone calls to everybody and I was holding hands over the phone, because wives are now caregivers. Husbands are caregivers. Daughters, and sons, and that’s not their role, you know?” she said.
"I never thought I wanted to work with seniors, because they die."
As the pandemic progressed, Judy began to experience a variety of health problems that she’d later discover were stress-induced.
“I never thought I wanted to work with seniors because they die,” she said.
Judy’s move from an overwhelmed employee at a senior care facility to a happy resident in a retirement community has been a fascinating experience, to say the least.
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“It’s everything I would ever want, swimming pool, gardens, activities…in the middle of getting old. I have all these friends, people I really, really care about.”
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But making friends as you get older presents its own challenges, she says.
“And then as you get to know them, you find out who’s battling cancer, who’s battling this and that.”
However, Hughes appreciates the overwhelmingly positive outlook that Friendship Manor residents maintain – even those that are silently suffering. As a natural caregiver, she hopes to help others make their lives a little easier.
“If Karma really does come around, when my time comes, maybe there’ll be somebody kind enough to give me a smile when I need it,” she said.
Hughes was 11 years old when her younger sister was born. Because of that, she practically raised her and her younger brother, she said.
“There is a saying that if you’re abused yourself, you either become an abuser or a caregiver. I became the caregiver…and that tells a little bit about me too,” she said. “I wanted to be the better person.”
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When Hughes started as a caregiver for those with developmental disabilities, there
wasn’t even a word for autism, she explained. Now, she says there’s a lot more acceptance
and understanding of those with learning differences – but there’s still a long way to go.
“I never really knew what entitlement meant until you find people who don’t have an understanding
of people with difficulties,” she said.
“Even now, you see somebody with gray hair, and you kind of start looking the other way, or you don’t
want to associate with them as much. I think maybe that’s why I haven’t gone gray yet.”
Reflecting on her line of work, Hughes acknowledges the emotional and physical burnout she’s
experienced. However, she appreciates the outlook it’s given her on life.
“I worked with some really great people. They’re not famous, they’re not anybody to anybody else, but they touched my life in such a great way,” she said.
As for her appreciation of Friendship Manor, Hughes has no shortage of good things to say about those she’s met and spent time with during her short time in the community. She hopes students will give them a chance, too.
“I was teasing some of the girls about their tattoos – why would you do that to your body, this and that. Then, they’d get a peek of mine,” she laughed.
“Yeah, I’m not dead! You didn’t invent them.”
"I wanted to be the better person."
